88 Random Facts About Tracy Berna...

  1. I am a Wednesday's child, and greatly dislike whoever wrote that poem.
  2. I speak French, some Spanish, some American Sign Language, and a tiny bit of Italian.
  3. The only phrase I know in German is "I am very seasick."
  4. I was born in front of an audience of student nurses, who applauded.
  5. My dad's name is Monty.
  6. My grandpa's first name was Pink. (You heard me.)
  7. I'm not going to tell you my mother's maiden name, because then you could access my bank account.
  8. I have never lived anywhere but the Los Angeles area.
  9. I've generally never wanted to live anywhere but the Los Angeles area.
  10. I have one sister, who is more spontaneously funny than me, because she doesn't try.
  11. I have some sort of dimple near the end of my spine, which my mom says is rare.
  12. I have never seen a bullfight.
  13. The only time I ever thought I saw a ghost I was very young, and up late with a fever.
  14. For some reason, I have a mental block about spelling the word "rhythm".
  15. I do seem to have rhythm, though.
  16. I have been robbed at gunpoint.
  17. Given a recipe, I don't cook badly.
  18. Not given a recipe, I do cook badly.
  19. I'm not very good at coming up with puns.
  20. Participating in athletic competition is my idea of torture.
  21. I hate most everything to do with math, unless it involves my bank account balance increasing.
  22. Weird Al Yankovic has called my house (but then, I'm starting to realize he's called everyone's).
  23. I hate washing dishes so much (and have no roommates to complain) that the dishes in my sink often stay there for literally weeks.
  24. Apologies to anyone nice who lives there, but I didn't like the state of Oklahoma.
  25. I once abandoned a good friend in Florence, Italy.
  26. I am apparently a very distant relative of Gene Autry.
  27. From the time I was four, my family lived in the same house and never moved.
  28. My parents are still there, still married, and they've never been married to anyone else.
  29. I once had an argument in a Florida motel room at 5:00 am with a 6'4", 250 lb. drunk guy I barely knew named Montana.
  30. Once in Montana, I was asked to dance by a cowboy who was also named Tracy.
  31. I instantly love any dog with one floppy ear.
  32. I love pretty much all dogs anyway, though.
  33. I learned to read off Peanuts comic books, before kindergarten.
  34. Now I love the Mutts comic strip, which shares similar traits.
  35. When I was four, I had memorized pretty much all of Bill Cosby's "Right!" album. I didn't know what it meant, but I knew it all.
  36. When I met Bill Cosby as an adult, he didn't seem very impressed by this.
  37. I have a hopeless crush on Conan O'Brien.
  38. Relatively few women share said crush.
  39. However, he's still unfortunately married, a new father, and lives 3000 miles away.
  40. But he likes tall, funny blondes, so in a hypothetical sense, I would have had a chance, had he ever met me.
  41. As much as I hate math, I can often memorize phone numbers almost instantly.
  42. I'm not real freaked out by rats, but cockroaches suck.
  43. Everyone in my family has a five-letter first name that ends in 'y'. No one planned this.
  44. You'll notice our last name has five letters, too.
  45. I won the all-school spelling bee at my elementary school when I was in fourth grade.
  46. Afterwards, fourth graders cheered me, and sixth graders threatened to beat me up.
  47. I have an Italian calendar on my desk devoted exclusively to classical artistic renderings of the penis.
  48. I keep getting addicted to nasal spray.
  49. I sometimes think I'd like to work for the Coroner's Office.
  50. I have this weird, rare thing called Restless Leg Syndrome, which often keeps me awake.
  51. I hate Jerry Lewis, but I adore Jerry Lewis impressions.
  52. I think I look terrible with my hair up, but it's infinitely more comfortable that way, so I am constantly torn.
  53. I spent two years as a tour guide at Universal Studios.
  54. No, I did not drive the tram. There was a driver for that.
  55. I own a boomerang.
  56. I share a birthday and initials with Tallulah Bankhead.
  57. I heard once that Cat Collectors - colloquially known as crazy cat ladies - are usually females who are very intelligent, well educated but emotionally fragile, and thus prefer the simple relationship with an animal to the complicated, messy ones with real people.
  58. This means that the typical crazy cat lady is...me.
  59. In general, I notice and want to stand up for all beings who aren't taken seriously, and have no voice of their own. In my experience this includes animals, children, and Latin American bus boys.
  60. In a number of ways, the Internet reminds me of high school.
  61. I get really annoyed at wimpy staplers.
  62. If trained, I'm pretty sure I'd have perfect pitch.
  63. I am white, and a man I lived with for five years was black.
  64. I'm pretty sure he still is.
  65. I am easily distracted from doing any task by...the idea of doing some other task, and another one, and another one...soon I have 5 unfinished tasks around the house.
  66. I dislike the derogative term "chick flick", as there certainly are mindless, guy-fantasy movies, too, and would like to see the term "dick flick" introduced into popular usage.
  67. Funniest video shows are my guilty pleasure.
  68. I often take oversleeping to a whole new level.
  69. I once paid $50 on Ebay for a copy of the game "Which Witch?", which I remembered with enormous fondness from my childhood as the coolest game ever invented.
  70. Once I got it, I realized it's actually only cool if you're 5.
  71. Shelley Winters once grabbed me bodily in the Improv and began talking to me enthusiastically, then let go in disappointment when she found out I didn't work there.
  72. While I do believe in God, I don't believe in angels. If God is omnipotent, he doesn't need helpers, and I get impatient with people's tendency to assume that the Almighty does everything in the same lame-ass manner we humans do.
  73. To quote Dennis Miller, "My God doesn't care if I say 'fuck', He just thinks I'm really fucking funny."
  74. I hate asparagus, okra and beets.
  75. I would like a cheeseburger right now. The homemade kind.
  76. But without asparagus, okra or beets.
  77. When I was small, staying with my grandparents in Virginia, we used to stick broomstraws down these tiny holes in the ground and catch what my gramma called "Doodlebugs". I have no idea what they were really called, but damn they were ugly.
  78. If I could play a musical instrument in a band, I'd choose the bass.
  79. I used to be a rabid R.E.M. fan.
  80. Before that, I was a rabid Journey fan.
  81. Of the two, I'm only embarrassed about the Journey fandom.
  82. I'm not generally very gracious about being embarrassed.
  83. I once wrote James Stewart a fan letter, and he sent me back a handwritten note to thank me within a week.
  84. For some reason, I habitually sing the song "Fugue for Tinhorns" from Guys and Dolls, especially when I'm uncomfortable.
  85. I hate most musicals.
  86. I didn't get the chicken pox until I was 14.
  87. I once had a job interview for a place that made headstones.
  88. That's all.